^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
3:31 p.m., 2002-11-14
and great pains i take, writing nder natural light having blinked but a few times since the static ceased its crackle and whirr. doing things again i only fondly remember as habit now that my removal has reached a safe and solid distance. the old windowpanes and the same furnishings nailed into the floor nail me into these floors and take my shadows from my sides. alight from all angles. my hands curl up to strike but never gain the full clench, mitigation and hesitition and a harsh realization hold the fort, keep the drawstring puckered and tight. there is a breathtaking panoramic establishing shot to be found. john ford would be proud. only in one mind can all of the corners be lit and come together to make a sprawling whole. little bits at a time this source code is being chipped away, forgotten so as not to be dealt with. the blinds have cracked and could you see my pupils you would knw that again the sun comes up on another day of two lives coping as one, functioning on only the idea that things work.hope.
with great and grave trepidation i type these letters; incite that idea, that ideal, but i have to give it a name. i nurture what i can and try to start the day pretending that i've slept. pretending is partially why i'm here, as the insomnia sets itself firmly in my path again.
