^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
1:26 a.m., 2002-10-10
it's an amazing feeling. you create and you self-analyze, polish through repitition, and et cetera et cetera. there are stories behind songs and feelings behind them that really can't be done justice through sound, but on the whole, it can prove to be an adequate substite when the alternative is a time machine for re-experiencing the catalyzing situations. and considering i lost doc browns number and i'm really still searching for an affordable and worthwhile delorean, the choice is really no choice at all.certain notes remind you of certain tensed muscles like the smell of dead cellulose burning reminds you of the fall.
and it's really the most unexplainable thing, playing a show for people you've never seen. last time i played a show i had just turned 18 years old. it was march of 1994 and i was still a junior in high school. i don't even think i had my driver's license yet. and i had been playing the guitar for barely a year. at the time i was only singing.
so, after a brief hiatus, tonight i played another. and it's really the same amazing feeling, except this time i have had the time and experience that has allowed me to take in the whole experience and not just overconcentrate on notes and words and posturing. i played the first three notes with wobbly fingers; E, D, G. and things came back immediately.
sure, i obliterated the bridge of one song while a lapsed in my attention, but somehow i have developed the ability in these seven or eight years to laugh it off and just shrug.
and when i said that we were playing a cover of the kiss song strutter, a 40something woman in the audience raised her arms in a triumphant cackling frenzy and began to rock the fuck out. later it was explained away as there having been crack in her beer.
kiss i can understand, but when someone has the same reaction to something that came from your fingers, your mind, your experience? it's just not something that can be set to words.
people came up and actually wanted cds. people came up and told me which songs they liked the best, people i don't know. it's hard to stomache a compliment like that when all you can think of is that you KNOW that when you played an F# in that song, it was suppoed to be a G, but instead you just enthusiastically say thank you, thanks, et cetera et cetera.
oh, and i completely forgot to play one song in the setlist, like it totally slipped my mind. i didn't realize it until i was on the way home. what a loser i am.
