the thing about a secret is that

something.

fuck it, i'm not turning this into something it isn't. i'm not explaining what my opinion is on something yet again.

this is me writing here and not some manufactured posture i have created in order to hide like the wizard of oz.

for once.

i started reading this hidden thing and found myself immediately begging myself to stop reading. "oh god, please stop."

self preservation.

sometimes, and i mean this in all seriousness, i don't want anyone to care about any of this at all. sometimes i am hoping that someone might look at this and skip to the good parts or the paragraphs that are shorter so that they don't have to bother with the filler. most of it is filler.

in reality, there's nothing going on.

thinking about things runs my life, and as a consequence i do nothing. and the irony is i swear, with all the sitting and thinking and reading and simmering i do there is absolutely nothing to show for it.

someone skipped that hopefully, and with good reason.

i think sometimes i interact in hopes that i might be the one that got away to someone. i look at myself and, in no uncertain terms, come to the realization that i have nearly nothing to offer. i put on an amazing act.

i started to read the aforementioned clandestine stealth-mode STUFF and i just felt amazed at what people can write. amazed at how sensitive and how much feeling and care goes into everything. amazed at how intelligent and amazingly amazing.

there.

it made me use the same word as an adverb and adjective back-to-back.

that's just too exciting for words.

most of this is nothing i originally started out to say. to move forward you must go back.