you approach as a familiar scent i've yet to smell. you remind me of a better time.

simpler.

subtler.

things i didn't feel before then were put upon me as a leg-hold trap. unfamiliar places came to life, unfamiliar language; i yearned to learn its nuance.

late nights, early mornings squinting into a cathode tube. in those times you gave me the reasons to do many of the things i did. the courage to expose myself. to begin again to express myself, to expose myself to words and in words i again found the comfort i had lost for so long. i may owe what little grip i have on myself to you.

you made me feel worthwhile.

i looked up to you and you made me feel on your level at a time when i was far from it. in a lot of ways i was turned around in these days, and i regard you as the catalyst. you helped me write for me again. you taught me nuance, all the while not realizing it. you made the unfamiliar places and language my own. i never thank you because you would shrug it off and, if you could, swat my shoulder, telling me to shut it.

but you were there at the beginning.