i say this as a means of self-preservation.

let me preface this entry 2 sentences too late by stating that i do not drink and i never have. my new years celebration consists of going to new hampshire, snowboarding, lighting a fire out of doors, burning christmas trees, lighting off illegal fireworks, incinerating furniture and cannisters which are labeled with the warning, "do not expose to temperatures over 120 degrees farenheit", and having the police called as a result of any or all of these aforementioned behaviors getting on the nerves of my condominnium neighbors.

there was a shootout. i shot the robosheriff.

my false identity was undetected. the pun went unnoticed. i am safe in massachusetts.

there are pictures forthcoming.

my resolution was to never make a resolution.

i once again consumed poisoned chinese food and am beginning to think that the red manace is resurfacing in new hampshire. it is questionable that the crooked merchants who sold me these lethal delicacies were even from the land of the rising sun. i am also questioning whether or not what i consumed was even intended for mastication and peristalsis. i venture to guess not.

i will now pray for a quick death in my bedroom.