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� the day's nascent moments �


10:29 p.m., 2002-08-06

i awaken and slide out the side of my bedclothes. a force of habit grants me the illusion of having a bed that appears uninhabited. deep breaths ease me down the hall and steam the mirror where i come to the realization that in my haze (a haze to which i have become accustomed) i neglected to cover my body. not so much asa loincloth. i have come to the decision that this mental and emotional disarray WILL NOT pervade every aspect of my life and i feel that i owe myself nothing if not the ability to awaken sans ritualistic nonsense.

being mentally ill is nowhere near as glamorous as the movies make it out to be.

the word rescue comes to mind, but not as a demand. not as a verb. more like a subtle gnawing or a faint yearning. a noun or adjective.

i firmly believe that from childhood we are force-fed the notion that our lives are not to be lived with our own best interest in mind, but with the placation of others at the forefront of our every thought and action. otherwise we're considered selfish, and what's worse than that?

waiting for the heart palpitations to subside.

and in a relatively unrelated story, i received an amazing package in the mail today containing something which has facilitated the transfer of these thoughts from analog to digital formats and the pimpinest accesory with which i could possibly adorn myself. don't i sparkle?




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