^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
7:45 p.m., 2003-01-14
those cold and haunting nights i border the verges of collapse. those nights which compel me to tear perfectly good sentences into shoddy fragments. the inadvertent expressions you make when staring, either longingly or with contempt, or just in admiration, at candid situations spied in public. it's wonder.there's a lot of memory stacked in loose bundles in me looking to collapse. there are things about me that no one will know because no one asks.
because i lack the hunger for unbroken things i'm deemed unconventional and subsequently invalid. a non-entity.
i love that i've fallen asleep on a boat alone drifting unanchored and have awoken in unfamiliar waters. not international waters mind you, but unfamiliar waters nonetheless. i love that a firework has exploded in my hand and that i was unhurt when it did. i love the fact that i've built a house. i love the fact that i've slept on an uninhabited island i reached by rowboat, an island that was too small to be built upon. i love the cracking of my joints.
somday none of this will be remembered by anyone. some morning my eyes will not commence their compulsory flutter.
some cold and haunting night i will no longer matter.
