the object rarely changes the emotion, but the emotion often changes the object.

this is what i think i mean when i write about idealization. things are never as clear as in the movies. i struggle on a daily (hourly?) basis to live within my meanings. i don't know if i'm afraid that i can be in love with the idea of being in love or if i'm glad that that's all it is or if that's even true...

i am spawning a new and virile breed of confusion within my oft-addled mind. things dredge and seep through my conscious and subconscious thoughts and turn up things long forgotten or repressed and pitchfork them through the air, letting thoughts and things fall in disarray...

it becomes more and more difficult every time to restore the pseudo-order whenever i sit and actually think about things, which i do for hours at a time every day.

every night.

i'm totally menstruating today.

(i don't know what's come over me, but i updated like 345892375 times today for some weird reason...)