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� hexagram 39: chien- obstruction �


1:32 a.m., 2001-12-11

i decided to throw an i-ching, but it said nothing.

these are the things you do to me...

i become worrisome and resort to consulting mysticism. because i can't understand my own thinking i fantasize that i am edgar cayce and dream about mind reading. since you, it's all parlor tricks.

chien: obstruction.

perhaps i was focusing on the wrong question. the book of changes. the mere fact that i chose eastern mysticism for guidance betrays some subconscious connection...

jung called it synchronicity as i'm sure you know. choices speak volumes, if it was in fact a choice. it could have been a collective guidance, out of my hands.

i didn't choose druidic paganism or the enneagram.

above: k'an- the abyssmal, water

below: ken- keeping still, mountain.

the i-ching confirms my suspicions: that i am confused beyond my wildest dreams. perhaps i was focusing on the wrong question. perhaps it was the right one. this is the prospect that scares me the most...

perhaps i was too vague, as i undoubtedly can be and maybe it would be best to merely let the whole situation go which, with me, is never a likely scenario.

it could be, as the i-ching says, a preparation for overcoming obstructions.

life is nothing if not confusing.


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