1:32 a.m., 2001-12-11
i decided to throw an i-ching, but it said nothing.these are the things you do to me...
i become worrisome and resort to consulting mysticism. because i can't understand my own thinking i fantasize that i am edgar cayce and dream about mind reading. since you, it's all parlor tricks.
chien: obstruction.
perhaps i was focusing on the wrong question. the book of changes. the mere fact that i chose eastern mysticism for guidance betrays some subconscious connection...
jung called it synchronicity as i'm sure you know. choices speak volumes, if it was in fact a choice. it could have been a collective guidance, out of my hands.
i didn't choose druidic paganism or the enneagram.
above: k'an- the abyssmal, water
below: ken- keeping still, mountain.
the i-ching confirms my suspicions: that i am confused beyond my wildest dreams. perhaps i was focusing on the wrong question. perhaps it was the right one. this is the prospect that scares me the most...
perhaps i was too vague, as i undoubtedly can be and maybe it would be best to merely let the whole situation go which, with me, is never a likely scenario.
it could be, as the i-ching says, a preparation for overcoming obstructions.
life is nothing if not confusing.