^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
3:29 a.m., 2002-04-29
and with realization comes denial which is followed by grudging acceptance. the mundane is utilized to fill up the empty trappings of a slovenly mess. i grovel around the hovel (hahahhahaa) looking for nothing to stay occupied. i lock myself out of my room because of the accumulation of memories awaiting rediscovery. there's a little white and blue notepad in particular which i've been conspicuously avoiding with relative success lately. i am only vaguely aware that it's there, but mainly because i keep busy at nothing until i can no longer pace and have to collapse for a nap before work.pages and pages that are like what flows in those old canyons... again, i have that old familiar aching in my joints that tells me i am a day older and nothing is changing.
static rather than dynamic.
i wrinkle my face with laughter over the phone, and the scars where the laughs were before open back up, yawning forth the emotional magma in need of release. it's why sometimes i can't keep the smiles in single file. it's why i sometimes brood like a moron for days. without interaction things become pent up. release creates extremes, and i'm beginning to realize neither is as bad as the other.
