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� bust a nut. �


9:54 a.m., 2002-03-25

i made the trek to middletown, rhode island yesterday afternoon to pay my first visit to what claims to be the best skatepark on the east coast, skater island.

for all intents and purposes, it was a nice place to be, despite the $15 price tag for four hours of skating. it was pretty enormous.

so, i was enjoying myself, doing my thing, etc.... i realized that there were what seemed to be millions of kids there who were not waiting their turn on top of the ramps and getting in the way constantly. i would drop in, approach some obstacle, and have to abort whatver i was about to do because someone would get in the way. ok, fine. then i would approach the next obstacle and again someone would putter out in front of me and force me off of my chosen path. it got to be annoying, but i can deal with it. i have a LOT of patience.

finally, about 25 minutes before the park closed i became intent on landing a certain trick (a 360 kickflip over the bigger pyramid, for the record) and on my first attempt i finally had a semi-clear shot at it, even though someone was standing atop the thing i managed to make an honest attempt.

since it seemed like i would be able to land this particular trick on this particular day i thought i'd try it again. no luck. someone was in the way. what this obstacle looks like is a slanted ramp without a curve to it which leads up to a platform that is about 12 feet long and then slants back to the ground. it stood about five feet high. so, as i came down the other side without attempting the trick, out squirted a kid about 14 years old who easily could have gotten out of my way, since i was going about 2349857 miles per hour. nope. he just stayed there in my way and we collided. i tried to turn my board sideways and not hit him head on, but the floor was slippery and we came together as i was stepping off of my board. when i did this, the nose of the board jumped up like there was plastic explosive under it and hit me full force in the testicles with a horribly crushing blow which nearly knocked me off of my feet.

i was unsure of my future at that point, to say the least.

despite my obvious pain, i finished the session. i had, after all, payed $15 to skate there for christ's sake. when the session ended i calmly went into the bathroom to assess the damages.

blood.

there was blood. that is such a bad sign when you're referring to your genitalia.

upon further inspection i came to realize that the cut was pretty gross looking but small. what was more disturbing was the obvious bruise beginning to spread in my nether regions. i really don't bruise, but apparently i do there because of the vascularity.

so i didn't sleep so well last night and today i have thus far refused to look down my pants.

***update: in the shower, i found yet another laceration lower than originally anticipated. also, over the course of the day the discoloration has become unspeakably grotesque and wildly bizarre. result: today i have a bluish-purple scrotum. i still refuse to walk funny. i flat-out refuse. so, i have two cuts and an excruciately slowly degenerating, but constant nonetheless pain.

it's such a shame that all of this fun is going to waste.


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