^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
3:42 p.m., 2003-03-03
saw some of that familiar carnage the other day. i watched a heart break. bearing witness to the foreclosure of emotional investments pulls at those parts of you that have been dragged through those times.so familiar.
he even asked, "should i cry?"
it's that incomprehensible. you feel foolish for entrusting so much to so little. such a fragile set of circumstances. it's enough to keep you from putting forth the effort.
the heartbeats feel like explosions and everything is your fault and nothing is your fault and you never loved her and she was everything and the mountain you created from that molehill of an emotion is discovered to be nothing but a tel, to be excavated later in times like these when your memory is triggered and the artifacts are given new life and afforded new meaning.
you reach an understanding with yourself when you are that paranoid and take things like these seriously. it's the understanding that no one else will be your life; an understanding that proximity and closeness is not worth the swollen bruise of betrayal that never goes away.
i'm fucking damaged goods.
