^ (n a v i g a t e) ^
� when you walk in a circle and end at its beginning, have you gone nowhere? �
3:11 p.m., 2002-10-16
i'm vaguely coming to see now that idealization (as i have been so overwhelmingly guilty of) is not merely reserved for one set of unfortunate circumstances. it has a tendency to permeate and infect. i'm not exactly sure where you reside. are you a creation of my obviously flawed and damaged psyche, or do you, on some realistic and tangible and palpable level, exist. i don't refer to everyday existence either. i am trying to look beyond that into what i am trying to interpret as my reality. i'm trying to ignore the cushioned construct with which i have surrounded my own issues regarding reality and its bearing on ow i am allowing my thought processes to pan out.my mind and sense of self feel as though they are sheathed in this unrealistic notion i have created with the intention of molding myself to fit into it. my eccentricity started out waifish enough and i have fed it unknowingly and now i feel it needs to be deconstructed.
mental illness views the mind as an epicurean delight.
i'm not even thinking straight. i can't get things out. i'm not sure how long i can manage to keep this up before something gives.
i hate not being able to say what i want.
