in little league, i stole home plate while he was playing catcher and knocked the wind out of him.

every year, his father, don, puts a ten-foot-wide ribbon around his house to make it look like a present stuck in a pile of white frosting or cocaine or mashed potatoes.

i know this because they live a street away from me.

tim hasselback was drafted by some professional football team ( i have forgotten which one) last year. his father played for the new england patriots in the 70's and 80's. his brother, matt, plays for the new york giants. third string i think.

tim hasselback is engaged to elizabeth from the survivor in the outback wild extravaganza show. she is from newton massachusetts.

i am stalking them both.

next time, i am going to write a chapter of fiction here. don't be alarmed when it seems a bit off.

i am a rational and capable human being.