idealization, strange exaggerated alternate fantasy/realities, puzzle pieces, this is where things come full circle. classmates are the equivalent of single-serving friends. i told myself that when i found out the actual name of the herbal essences girl that that would be the end of this particular idealization...

but it isn't.

true to my human frailties i have become adept at feigning ignorance. i have her email address, phone number, all of the essential statistics, and on one end of the spectrum i still insist on the creepy activity of staring and wondering, while on the other end of the spectrum, talking to her:

...conversation...

out of the question.

five minutes cannot pass without attention being drawn to her. i've had to resort to positioning myself behind her so as to avoid the tractor beam.

blue blue soul reflections.

and yet positioning has become of little consequence since her obsession with binding up her silken hair and turning it loose minutes later has intensified with the onset of the warm weather. and sometimes this entire process ceases for unpredictable amounts of time which only forces me to watch, wondering when it will start again.

it leaves a residue that gives away the fact that this entire situation is homemade.