you know those days when you feel like every second that passes is passing you? like you're just living rather than living up to the way you wanted to when you originally thought about it? like you're passively dying a second at a time rather than putting your stamp on that second and releasing it into time immemorial in order to look back on it when your life flashes before your eyes in some far-off fate-ridden moment of splendor? and in that moment you'll serenely look back, smile, and say, yeah, i was alive for that and i knew it.

whenever you spend time planning out time you imagine yourself to be in a place where you want to be, unless you're facing the barren fact that you might be dying.

seconds at a time.

some days that fact is so close to you that you overlook it. usually you're too busy planning. it is taken as a given. it is background noise.

it being mortality.

mortality has been glorified into a wracking spasm, when in reality it is really a breath and a stillness.

stillness like a thick snowfall. muted stillness.

no sound.

today, for me, was not one of those lost, dying days.

today i had a lot of fun.