tonight, i could kill someone. i sincerely mean that. my computer, which i built with my own two hands and which i have slaved over trying to keep alive has turned on me. it has become irreparably disagreeable and has only now, after it has been disemboweled and semi-assembled, allowed me to run the uber-flawed windows 98 program in a dignified and respectable manner. i swear on the souls of my unborn children that i will go office space on this doomed machine as soon as it becomes evident that it will be replaced. normally this entire situation wouldn't bother me, but there are actually things i was planning to attend to in the wee hours of this already-eventful night and they were dependant on a time window which was frittered away attempting to coax this ungrateful heap of garbage into even the simplest of tasks. now my post-night-session has been wasted and/or missed.

i am losing it fast.

not being able to fix this beast has made me feel incapable and helpless and homicidal.

i ran into an individual with whom i attended high school tonight. godDAMN did seeing him make me feel good about my life. i was out with scumbag and transhoz and they felt the same way. the irony of the whole situation was the fact that we ran into him in a bar of all places (and if you know who we are, that is certainly ironic) and he was fitshaced (go figure) so it made the whole encounter all the more enjoyable because i wasn't (sober going on 24 years now...) and he was making himself out to be happy. i wasn't buying the act, if that, in fact, is what it was... you can never tell with morons like that. i feel safe calling him a moron since i can be assured of the fact that he will never read this considering he is not only computer illiterate, but he is also just plain illiterate to boot. that is not being mean either, that is the truth.

see? just discussing him makes me feel better about my whole bout with the feeling of technical inadequacy...

my apologies go out to those i was expecting to talk to tonight. i was preoccupied with pulling my hair out in man-sized clumps.